Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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