So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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