There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
