the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
