Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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