i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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