Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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