In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
