If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
