Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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