Whatcha textin bout Willis?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We smell like vodka and hangover
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
