As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
