I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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