We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
