Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My liver just had a heart attack.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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