weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
