I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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