I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
