1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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