Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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