he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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