I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
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I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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