i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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