home. puking in laundry basket.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
