Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
