i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
