$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
