i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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