with your own penis?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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