I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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