We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
