Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
