STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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