You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
