My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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