Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
