i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
