would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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