gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
