she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
