his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She needs sedatives and a leash
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
