I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
