he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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