i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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