You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
