hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
