i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
