Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
