just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
