And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
