maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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