Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i think i just lost a toe
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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