I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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