I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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