I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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