i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm both gender and math confused
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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