Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
