I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm jealous of your bromance
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
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masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
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I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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