I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We are all done wearing pants today
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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