Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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