Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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