I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
