Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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