My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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