She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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