"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
