You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
