it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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