Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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