thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
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Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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