I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
